hold on to these moments as they pass

I read somewhere that parenting involves feeling nostalgia for moments even as they happen. I have found it so true. It’s why I take zillions of photos and jot down things I want to remember about this point in time with Evelyn. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that she is changing by the day, and that words she mis-says one day, she’ll say perfectly the next. (I would love it if she called hippos “hoppos” forever). Stairs she can’t climb on her own in the morning are mastered by dinnertime.  Her facial expressions evolve constantly. And it’s so hard to remember – I want to hold on to the memories of how she was at every stage along the way. I’m afraid of not being able to call up an image of what she was like at two weeks old, 6 months old, a year old. It is all so fleeting.

I try not to get caught in the “she’s getting too big/growing so fast/slow down/ it’s sad” stream of thought. Because it’s amazing to watch her grow, to see her personality emerge, to witness her learning and changing. I’m honored to have this front row seat, and it’s all happening the way it’s supposed to-  not too fast or too slow. There’s a bittersweetness in watching each stage pass by, but it seems silly to feel sad about her growing up. We’re here to help her do exactly that, right?

I do my best to savor each day – to really feel her body in my arms when I carry her, smell her hair, listen to her, watch her, take her in. Even if I don’t remember exactly how she was at 19 months old, I’ll know that I paid attention when it was happening. And, well, took hundreds of photos to help with the memories.

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