the waiting

Pregnancy is full of unknowns. For some people, the hardest unknown is the gender- and they find out if they are carrying a boy or a girl as soon as they can. For me, the hardest part is the unknown end-date. I thought I had a better guess this time around, since I knew Evelyn had been 2 weeks and 3 days early. Everyone seemed to think this baby would be at least 2 weeks early, too. It’s still possible, and anything can happen (I’m 38 weeks today, that’s 2-weeks-until-due-date….), but I’m trying to just accept that this baby will arrive when the time is right. I’m trying very hard to seek out my zen. I’ve spent the past several days anxious about getting things done, making lists, frustrated by my physical limitations and lack of energy because I just want to get it ALL done NOW. It’s been hard to sleep – not just because of discomfort, but because my brain won’t rest. I vacuumed the living room at 8:00 yesterday morning, minutes before I had to head out the door to work. I’ve been up late organizing and cleaning, which is silly, and I need to let go, but that’s easier said than done. What I know I should be doing is relaxing. Indulging in guilty pleasures like TV and magazines and ice cream. Going easy in these late pregnancy days without feeling like I should be doing something else. But that slow down is so hard, especially when I’m so good at thinking up a zillion things I should do before this baby arrives. So now to focus on these moments before life changes again, and to find peace in the unknown. Trying to slow my brain and my body. Resting. Waiting. Throwing away the lists.


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Filed under baby, preparations

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